Why my cart is the new therapist

Spent $300 on nonsense and suddenly life's vibes are better. Low-key healing, high-key questionable financial choices. If retail therapy had a loyalty program, I'd be CEO.

Diagnosis: Shiny Object Syndrome (fr)

Every beep, blink, and weirdly specific kitchen gadget is basically a mood booster. Pro tip: impulse buys cure Monday, create existential dread on Tuesday, repeat. Big mood, lol.

Side effects you didn’t know you needed

Unboxing joy, 3 extra chargers, one LED that makes your living room look like a rave — and the sweet, sweet dopamine flood. Also: "where did I put the receipt?" energy.

Prescription (no therapist consulted)

Keep the cart, accept the flex. Tell your brain it’s budgeting, then immediately buy the thing that sparks chaotic happiness. BRB, adding another useless gadget to my coping toolkit.